A year ago this week, I conceived Jacob. This week I have reflected a lot. On how hard this year has been. On how blessed I am. On how I have been pregnant for almost a year. On hope for the future.
One thing I do know is that our family is stronger. My boys better understand eternal family and talk of their brother Jacob as if he is a part of our family. And he is. I also understand eternal families better and although I am so far from perfect in many areas, I know I have a little angel boy in heaven cheering me on and waiting to be reunited.
I have felt a little bit of guilt throughout this new pregnancy because it has helped me focus on the future and the new life inside me. That is a good thing but it is hard to think you may be forgetting a child. I am not though. I think of him often. But I am so grateful for his brother who is coming, who wouldn't be in my belly right now if we hadn't have lost Jacob and I know he wants me to move on a focus on our lives in the present.
It has been a rough year, but one I am extremely grateful for. Thanks to Jacob.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
1 year ago
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4 comments:
So sweet, you have been through a rough time, but you are a great example. I know the boys are probably super excited to meet their new baby brother.
I can't imagine how difficult this last year has been. I'm sure your family is so excited for this new baby to come.
Beautifully transparent. Thank you for sharing. Losing a baby is not easy...writing about it might be even harder still. What a tribute to your sweet boy. I can sense your heart through your writing. I am truly sorry for your loss...and yet, extremely happy for the wonderful addition you are growing now!
Though you weren't given the chance to hold this baby, he is still "yours." And the hurt is all the same. I'm glad you're able to acknowledge it.
Another thing to hold on to is that one day you will get to meet this baby. It may be a loss now, but eventually, it will be a gain! You will have a child to meet in heaven! And you will walk hand in hand sharing all kinds of stories.
~Greta
(I found your blog via Celeste's blog)
What a sweet post Michelle. After just having a baby, I can't imagine how hard it must have been. You are so strong and see things so clearly. I really admire that. I miss you tons. It has been way too long. I can't wait for the arrival of the next little Weymouth. You are balancing out the Andrus all girl contribution to the world. :)
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