I am irritable, angry and frustrated. Not sure why I am feeling this way, I guess it's just one of those waves of grief. Just when I feel like I am doing really well, and almost feel guilty for doing well, a wave hits. Tonight it's the wave of this is just not fair.
I should be celebrating being halfway through my pregnancy this week.
I should be accustomed to the fact that I am having another little boy.
I should be going through the clothes picking out which ones to save for him, not packing them up for the next time.
I should be planning how to give the nursery an update.
I should be packing on the pounds.
I shouldn't be bleeding.
I shouldn't be grieving.
I shouldn't be wondering when I am going to have the next child.
I shouldn't be wearing all my regular clothes.
I shouldn't be wondering what we are going to be doing this summer now that it isn't going to be filled with caring for a newborn.
I shouldn't be missing the child I lost.
Sigh.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tonight
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5 comments:
I feel your pain and understand your grief. I wish no one ever had to go through things like this. But it's nice to know we can do it together.
I understand where you're at - the "waves" are hard to withstand, especially when you don't really see them coming. Take a deep breath and let yourself feel the sadness and anger and anything else that comes along. It's truly NOT FAIR!
Hugs to you! Shan
:( so sorry
I feel the same way!! I was excited to be off this summer taking care of my daughter, and now I will probably be pregnant again (god willing) ..I obviously want another baby, but it is draining to think about "starting" all over...I would have been 24 weeks this past Sunday...SOOO Mad....
So sorry Michelle. I have been thinking about you a lot and what you must be going through. My good friend here experienced a similar thing. I told her I wanted to give you the link to her blog. Here it is:
http://cragun.blogspot.com/
XOXOXO
Emily
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