Recovering

The surgery went well. He ended up having to open me up and remove my whole ovary with the tumor. Apparently when he put the camera in it was a mess in there. The cyst had semi-tortioned over the ovary a couple of times, which would explain the pain, and so there was a lot of gunk and dried blood around the ovary. Unfortunately this means my recovery will be a little longer. My mom leaves tomorrow so I am a bit freaked out about that. I just can't imagine being able to pick up Sam yet. I don't want to bust open any wounds. Funny story about my surgery. The nurse and the nurse anethesist came to get me to wheel me to the operating room. I didn't have glasses or contacts in so I couldn't see anything. Somehow they asked me where I was from and I said Idaho Falls, the nurse said, "so am I!" She then asked what school and year I graduated and low and behold we graduated together. It was Cory Tremayne, she was on the gymnastics team with me. Small world. We were talking and then next thing I know I was waking up from surgery. I still don't remember what we were talking about! The boys have been having a good time with Grandma. Sam learned how to say Grandma right before my mom came so that's been cute to watch, my mom loves it! Today they were a bit ornery I think they are tired of having a weird routine. I just want to get back to normal and move on with the summer. Here are some pictures. The boys were fried and ready for bed so they don't look so happy.
I'll miss this!

Celebrating Pete's birthday

Grandma and Sam

Grandma and the boys

Surgery

I am having surgery on Friday to get rid of my dermoid cyst. I am happy to just get it over with and not having it hanging over our heads anymore. Keep us in your prayers!

P.S. This surgery is to get rid of my "baseball" tumor on my cyst. I wish that after surgery I would have 2 nice perky additions to my chest but sadly not this time! ;)

Our tribute

Ok so I know that our blog has been a little "heavy" lately. I am sorry but it has been our life lately. We have found some moments of sunshine through the sadness though. It's been really hard because we have realized that he was such a part of our routine. I find myself thinking I need to let him out, or glancing in the backyard to see what he is doing. We miss his presence in our room at night, we miss his happy greeting when we get home, and I miss my vacuum cleaner because he always picked up the food that the kids threw on the floor. I was a ball baby at church today, my ward probably thinks I am cookoo! It's hard because people who don't have a dog and aren't dog people look at me like I have 3 heads because I am so upset about my dog, I find myself gravitating towards those who have dogs because they "get" it. Everyone really has been so nice though. Someone who I work really close in church with left brownies and a beautiful note for me tonight, it really made my day. Rex's primary teacher said he kept talking about his dead dog and just wanted to sit on her lap the whole time. Poor kid. He doesn't talk about it with us, I think he doesn't want us to cry anymore. I feel so bad for him, he just doesn't understand, he just knows he misses him terribly. We decided that Boykin's grave needed to either have a plant on top or some flowers or something. Mark and Rex went to Home Depot and found a pot that reminds us totally of Boykin. With his black fur and blue collar. We spent time as a family planting flowers and then we decided to go with our neighbors up to the mountains to enjoy the scenery and to get away. Boykin LOVED the mountains, he would whine and pant the whole way up and just had pure bliss on his face the whole time we were there. We had a great time, the boys loved it. It was the perfect way to pay tribute and to in some ways boost Mark's spirits on this Father's Day weekend. We love you Mark!

Our best dog ever

Just wanted to add a slideshow. These are almost all the pictures we have of him. It was so therapeutic to go through them and to realize what a great life he had and how much we love him. He truly was a member of our family and we feel the void constantly. How will I know when someone's at the door without him barking to warn me? Who will clean up all the food the kids throw on the floor? Who will lay in the sunshine all day keeping watch over our yard? Who will greet us when we come home? Who will be right there waiting as soon as the kids go down for the night for some love and affection? Who will I pet when I am stressed? Who will accompany us on our family walks? Boykin wasn't a typical dog. I know everyone thinks their dog is the best but he truly was. Mark and I got Boykin shortly after we got married, he was like our first child and boy was he spoiled before the kids came. We rescued him when he was around 8 months old. He was so timid and had obviously been through a lot. He had his little issues and obviously there were days when I thought it would be easier not to have a dog, but overall the positive far outweighed the negative. It was like he knew we had rescued him and so he tried so hard to be a good dog. The only time he ever got a little naughty was if I didn't give him a walk for a few days, and he let me know it! Boykin was Rex's first friend and up until this last year when you asked Rex who his best friend was he would say Boykin. Rex drove Boyks crazy but he was always so patient, he let him do anything to him. I still wonder if we made the right decision but after 8-9 seizures and him obviously being uncomfortable, I don't know what other choice we had and what quality of life he would have had if we had let it run it's course. Most likely it would have been the same outcome with a lot more suffering. I am so thankful for those last couple of hours when he seemed happy and back to his normal self. I think he knew we needed that. After his final 3 seizures when they put him to sleep, Mark said he looked totally peaceful and comfortable. I hope so and I hope he knows how much we loved him.

Boykin 2003-2008

We lost our dog, a member of our family last night. He got really sick on Thursday and started having seizures. He had probably a total of 8 by the time it was all said and done. The vets still don't know exactly what was wrong but they suspect either a brain tumor or an infection that attacked his brain, heart and lungs. We thought he was getting better last night because he perked up and started eating and walking around but he must of known that we needed to remember him for the fun, loving dog he was. Shortly after, he had 3 seizures in a row and they decided that there wasn't much to be done. We are devastated and miss his presence already. We only had him for 5 years but those 5 years were great. He was such a well behaved dog and was so patient and loving with the kids. They are really going to miss him, Rex doesn't quite understand and keeps asking where Boykin is. Please keep our family in your prayers.

Curbing

After being rescheduled on twice because of the weather we finally got our curbing done yesterday!! Yay! I love it, it just makes everything look so finished off. We still have a lot of work pulling out grass and adding rock because I hate bark, it's so messy! Mark and Pete are going to do some nice landscaping in the area between our yards so that will be fun when it is finished. I chose quite a bold red, and it's still a bit wet so it's brighter than it will be but with our red door I thought bold was good. Plus with black rock it will look good. It's so funny when you are a homeowner you get so excited to do things like this, it was almost like Christmas when they showed up! I also had to get a picture with my rose bushes. The white one only has one bloom so far but the pink one has gone crazy!! It is so beautiful and I am so proud! I also added a few pictures of the boys and one of Mark enjoying the sudden afternoon turn in our weather. It's supposed to start getting warm now so I am so excited, we will be heading to the waterpark on Friday, bring on SUMMER!
Front view
In between the yards. We didn't do the tree because we are getting rid of it.
Close up of front with rosebush
Side yard
Mark and the beautiful blue sky
What a sweetheart, he has been such a good boy lately
Little stinker! He is taking his brother's place as the troublemaker!

Hard head

I always knew Rex had a large, hard head but we now have evidence! He was coming down the stairs yesterday and somehow tripped down the last few steps and went head first into the wall! There is no evidence of it on his head, but he definitely made his mark on our wall!


Here's the large, but VERY cute head, with a little bed-head!


Sam is getting so big! I can't believe it, he is hardly a baby anymore. Here are some cute pics of him. His day consists of constantly walking around the house exploring everything.
In his breakfast bib

"Helping" me clean!

P.S.

It's not a good idea to watch P.S. I love you, a movie about a husband who dies from a brain tumor when you just found out you have a tumor on your ovary. I am a freak about that kind of stuff anyway and I always worry and think the worst is going to happen so movies like that are not good for me! Although it was a good movie. :)

So I need to get this off my chest

And what better way to do that then through my journal/blog. If you don't want to hear my frustrations you don't have to read on.
One thing that I know I have a hard time with is judging other people, so maybe this is why I am going through this little trial right now. Mark and I are always saying how lucky we are to live where we do with supportive friends and neighbors. Especially since we moved here last year because we just seem to have health trial after health trial. Nothing too serious, but the stress still wears on ya. We have been blessed to have intuitive people around us who know when we need help and put the word out. We have NOT ONCE had to ask for help through any of these trials. This last one was the same. We literally had people calling and offering and bringing meals without ever saying a word to anyone. We were so incredibly thankful. We needed it more than ever because neither of us was well. Usually at least one of us can hold it together but this time we were both in bad shape. Unfortunately I felt when I talked to some people that they were wondering first of all why I was in so much pain and second of all what the big deal was. I brushed it off to my altered mind that was full of pain medication and also my obsessive worrying that happens all the time. That has been one of my fears this entire year. That we will be known as "that family". We have never been that family nor do I ever want to be that family. I don't want to deal with health problems. I am an active person who hates being cooped up in the house. And more than that I hate admitting I am weak and that I need help. Well since I have been feeling better I have also been hearing "musings" that my fears weren't unwarrented and that people have in fact wondered what the big deal is since all I have is a "cyst". This has emotionally devastated me right now. I am not a weak person and I don't want to be. So to hear that others are questioning my strength really just brings all my self doubt and fears to the forefront. I have a high threshold for pain, I have had natural childbirth for heaven sakes. I was in the worst pain I have ever been this weekend. I am not going to explain any more than that because this isn't about explaining. Whether I had really been in that much pain or not, I shouldn't be judged according to my pain level. We needed help. We didn't ask for it, but we sure as heck weren't going to say no. I am not superwoman and I can't always be 100% mom. I would hope that when someone needs me whether it be because of physical or emotional pain that I would be there no questions asked. Maybe that is a lesson I needed to learn more than anyone else. Maybe this is what Heavenly Father is trying to teach me. I definitely know it has humbled me.

And the roses bloom

Well first of all I am feeling much better today! The pain is gone and I am just weak and tired. Hopefully by tomorrow I will feel much better and we can get back into the swing of things. I haven't taken any pain meds since last night so that is good! Unfortunately I get to look forward to a surgery, but hopefully the recovery from that won't be too bad.
Why I was laid up in bed for the past 5 days my first rose bloomed! I was so excited that I went out in the rain to take a picture! It's gorgeous and the perfect thing to see after being in bed in pain for 5 days.

When it rains.....

it pours!!
Just a quick update on the drama in our household right now. Friday night I started getting a really bad backache so I took some Ibuprofen and it went away for a few hours. Well that night I was up every three hours, popping like 3 Ibuprofen and laying on an ice pack because of the extreme pain. This happened a few months ago and it went away after 2 days in bed so I was just expecting that it was a muscle spasm or something. Well all day Saturday it just kept getting worse, I couldn't get out of bed without feeling completely nauseous, light-headed and extreme pain. So, poor Mark who is recovering from surgery and isn't supposed to lift our kids was stuck with the kids all day. Finally Saturday night I really felt like I needed to go to the ER, something just wasn't right. The Ibuprofen didn't seem to be doing anything for the pain and I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. We went in and immediately they were thinking Kidney Stones. They got me on some Morphine, which would help for like 15 minutes and then slowly the pain would come back. I had a Catscan and the Dr. told me it was actually a ovarian cyst called a Teratoma, more like a tumor. So he called my OB, they did an ultrasound and 6 hours later sent me home with meds to manage the pain and instructions to call my OB on Monday. Well, Sunday was the same, luckily neighbors took turns with our kids so Mark could get some rest too. Sunday night I really started feeling crappy and threw up a few times and was bleeding. Called the Dr. he wasn't too concerned and said it's all related but it isn't emergency because the ultrasound showed that the tumor hadn't flipped over my ovary or anything. So today I finally went to my OB and again he doesn't want to remove it yet, although it will need to be removed because he wants me to start feeling better. Also, I guess the ER doc forgot to mention that I had a kidney stone too, so that could be the reason why I am in so much pain and we don't know if I passed it yet or not because I haven't been looking for it since I didn't think that is what is was. I am also quite "backed-up" so he wants to clean me out first and get me feeling better before they do surgery. I would rather they just get the dang thing out, but whatever. So I am on a wait and see mission, still stuck in bed, still feeling like crap. I hope this isn't an indication of our summer to come.